THE WINTER DECK

When my boys were toddlers we spent much of our time at my good friend Malin’s house- who lived all of a mile down the road. Since her girls were almost the same ages, the kids would happily play together all day while we moms passed out art supplies, snacks and zipped costumes on and off with the precision of synchronized swimmers.

We hung out at her place more than mine because her house had this magical feature to it that I couldn’t resist...the sun…in the form of a back deck. Yeah yeah yeah I know a deck “woot woot” but this was no ordinary deck.

Actually it almost isn’t fair to give the deck all the glory, because the real superstar was the house itself which provided the perfect wind block to the deck and made it..well instantly summer. That’s right. The house kept the wind from disrupting the deck and no wind meant there was only sun which made that deck the kind of warm and sunny you’d only expect to find on a caribbean island. On sunshine filled days we would often be out there in our bikinis and beach chairs sunning ourselves.

Not so interesting? Right. Until you read that we lived in York, Maine at the time which can be quite cold..um freezing really and we were out there sunbathing and setting up kiddie pools at the end of only March and early April! Normal temps then here are high’s in the low 40’s. You see? Pure magic. The wind block felt like a true gift. It felt like cheating but also kind of like winning…and maybe even a little like getting away with something.

It also wasn’t lost on me that even a house, if used in a certain way, can shape shift our reality..in this case creating a wind block and thus and the possibility to experience summer temps and activities with snow on the ground. This wind block was giving us the chance to experience something different in the moment without changing the circumstances themselves, rather altering the flow or access of something (the wind) to reach and impact us in the same way. All wind is not the same wind after all. 

Yesterday it was a sunny 60 degrees here, ballpark. The sun was glorious. Not summer temps. Not sunbathing temps but a much needed beautiful spring day after so much rain. I was doing some yard work when this strange subtle feeling came over me. I’d been here before. There was no movement in the air and the sun shone down strong. It felt really warm and still. Strangely luxurious and summer like until the sun went behind a cloud and the temp instantly dropped 15 degrees. Unseasonal and all too familiar.

Suddenly I was transported back to my friend’s deck 16 years ago. I knew this feeling. I instantly craved to be laying in the sun, shielded from the cool breeze and was compelled to create my own wind block right then and there in my own backyard, to grab my bikini, set up my beach chair and soak in this feeling and as much sun as possible. First tan lines of 2020 confirmed.

I wanted to control spring and make April 29th behave like a summer day, to turn this moment into some other, to shift now into another way of being so it could feel different, better. This got me thinking about how often I want to be in charge of the moment I am in and/or want it to be different then it is or last longer…to linger.

How often do I want to feel different or have my circumstances change so me or someone else can feel better/more comfortable? How often do I crave, then seek or build a wind block so that I can experience something other than what is actually happening?

Sometimes the shields that we use to keep us from having to experience the necessary disruptions we need to shake ourselves or our lives up can keep us from growth but sometimes they also offer us protection from ourselves and our old stories. Isn't is equally important after all to consider what become possible when I get to bask in unexpected summer sunshine on a spring day? What changes then when I questions the limits of what could be? What joy does that bring and echo?

I have been thinking about you. I wonder what wind blocks in your life you are enjoying the protection of and  where are you wishing you had more in place? How do they serve or cheat you? How does that change in a pandemic such as this? 

May we all be transformed in the most important ways as we are stretched in this moment and beyond. Wishing you a bikini and beach chair kind of sunny day inside and out…while it rains here again.

Ok that’s it for today. I am here. I see you and you are loved.

xoxox
Robyn